sometimes i wonder…….

so, sometimes i wonder if we should’ve waited. for some reason- i wonder if we should’ve waited to get married like we had intended. i’ve always wanted that big (well not too big) fairy tale wedding. unfortunately- i didn’t get it. don’t get me wrong, it’s not like i’m saying i didn’t want to marry jonathan- just that we didn’t want to get married when we did. maybe i should give a little background for those in the cheap seats……..

jonathan & i started dating in october 1998. we met while in high school & decided to move in together after we graduated in june 1999. we did & in july 1999, he proposed. i, of course, said yes & it was a mad dash at planning my fairy tale wedding. we set a date for the following july & paid off our wedding bands & my engagement ring. things were going along good- i was looking at invitations, wedding sites, cakes, flowers, pictures, etc. i started college in august 1999 & talked everyone’s ear off about how i was getting married the following summer. things went along as planned until a little surprise showed up about 2 weeks after i bought my wedding dress- i was pregnant.

we were very scared, nervous, excited & shocked at this discovery. my due date was july 22, 2000- so instead of a wedding when we had planned, we were gonna have a baby. instantly- everyone said we should get married. we didn’t feel that way. we didn’t want it to look like we were just getting married b/c i was preggers, b/c that wasn’t the case. we were planning this before i found out. i talked to my mom & she said that her insurance would cover me since i was in school. jonathan’s insurance would cover shelby from the minute she was born, so all was well on that front. i went from planning my wedding to getting ready to be a momma. totally not how i planned my life (i had this grand scheme of how things were gonna go- like we all do).

after shelby was born, the harassment began about when we were gonna get married. we were gonna wait til i was skinny enough to fit in my dress (that i paid $500 for) & shoot for october (our anniversary of starting dating). after 3 weeks of constant questions- we both got pissed & just decided to get married. we went to the courthouse & got our marriage license. we were married august 26, 2000 at the JP’s house that performed the ceremony. i wore a polo shirt & jeans- jonathan wore khakis & a polo shirt. no flowers, no cake, no bridal party- nothing like what i had wanted. we were just relieved that the questions were silenced- FINALLY.

here recently, many of my friends have gotten engaged & are planning (or already had) their weddings. it has brought back all the longing i have for a “real” wedding. i still have my dress- that i’ve never worn. i still know what my colors would be, how i’d like my cake, who’d be in my bridal party (well that’s changed a little- but 7 years will do that). i just feel like i missed out on something big. i have a great marriage- just not the great wedding story to go along with it. maybe one of these days, we’ll renew our vows. i’ve thought about doing it on our 10th anniversary- but time will tell.